


It almost was, it will be again

by len1985



Category: Holby City
Genre: Drama, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-08-31 04:28:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8564068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/len1985/pseuds/len1985
Summary: Bernie is back from Kiev and wants Serena. Does she want Bernie?





	1. Chapter 1

Serena couldn’t understand Bernie Wolfe at all. All these weeks. Her email, her texts all ignored. Radio silence. Now the woman had just turned up back at Holby as if nothing had changed. Well, actually she was acting as if everything had changed and she kept looking at Serena as if they both knew it. Looking at her with longing and love. Serena recognised that look when she saw it, she just hadn’t expected to see it on Bernie’s face. Not after how she’d left all those weeks ago…

She had just waltzed back on to the ward, back into Serena’s world and spun it upside down all over again. Or was that right way up now? Serena couldn’t keep track, her head and heart reeling from seeing the one person she had most wanted and least expected to ever set eyes on again.

“Welcome back, Ms Wolfe. I hope Kiev was…” What did she hope it was? Serena didn’t finish her sentence. What could she say? “Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I need to start ward rounds. Raf will get you up to speed.” Serena could see Bernie gravitate towards her and knew if she didn’t remove herself from being in their office alone with her, she would make a fool of herself again.

“Serena, I…” Bernie started to try to reach out for her, the only person she ever initiated and reciprocated physical contact with. She wanted to touch her. She needed to be sure Serena understood that she had missed her too. That was the reason she had come back after all.

“Bernie, no.” Serena blurted out. Stopping the hand that moved towards her in its tracks. Serena wanted to feel Bernie’s embrace more than anything. But she knew Bernie didn’t feel the same way about her. How could she? She had known Serena wanted her, loved her before she ran. She could spout that rubbish about needing time and space. She had known. Must have seen in every glance, felt in every touch between them that Serena was falling in love with her. She had run because she cared about her. But she didn’t love her. She could kiss her the way she had in their office and still leg it at the first opportunity. That wasn’t love.

Serena really had been so blind. Trusting this woman and it was all a lie. Or was it? Serena looked into those eyes. She knew them so well, could read every thought behind them. Bernie’s hand had stilled but it stayed stretched out to her. It wouldn’t take much for Serena to close the gap.

“Serena, please!” Bernie’s gaze was as pleading as her tone. Serena could see now that perhaps Bernie had hurt herself just as much with what she’d done.

“I…I can’t do this, Bernie. I’m sorry.” Serena started to leave, she had already stalled too long. Almost got caught up in this spell the trauma surgeon seemed to have her under. “You’ll be glad to hear that there will be no more silly declarations of love on my part. Foolish woman that I am.” Serena had to do this. She wanted to forgive Bernie. She wanted to be with her. She had told the entire hospital as much at this point. Oh God why couldn’t Bernie stop looking at her like that? Her heart could betray her at any second if she didn’t look away…

Why was she continuing to stand here when it was crushing her, breaking what was left of her heart? She saw Bernie put her arm back down to her side. Defeat radiated from her. She had lost Serena, had ruined them before they even had a chance to be together. Serena needed to touch her, kiss her. She was so in love with her that it burned her very soul to say what she said next.

“I’ve finally decided what I want.” Bernie stopped staring at the fascinating stain on her shoe and her head snapped up towards the woman she loved. Hope began to stir in her but with the cold, unfamiliar expression on Serena’s face it died and turned to fear, dread.

“I want to be in love with someone who isn’t a coward.” Serena walked away from her then, neither seeing the tears on the other’s face.

Serena had inadvertently revealed her true feelings without even knowing it though. Bernie was a coward, she knew it better than most. Had said it of herself as she had driven away from Serena all those weeks ago. Serena. Beautiful, kind, wonderful, brave, funny, honest Serena. Who even in her rejection of Bernie had admitted that she was still in love with this particular coward…

Bernie felt that earlier hope rising to the surface again. Wiping the tears from her face, she knew what she had to do. She wouldn’t run this time. Never again.


	2. Chapter 2

Serena hurried away from the trauma surgeon and their office. She wouldn't say she had run away (that was Bernie’s forte, after all) but she had to get out of there. Quickly. Wiping her eyes as she went, she knew the last thing the rumour mill needed was the fuel of seeing her storm out of the shared office in tears. 

Her words had broken her. She couldn't quite believe they had left her lips until she heard herself say them. Damn you, Berenice Wolfe, you and your bloody cowardice! Serena's heart fell further than she'd ever thought possible when she pictured the look on Bernie’s face. There was resignation and acceptance. Maybe she believed Serena’s words, even if Serena herself hadn't. But there was also something else. Bernie had looked heartbroken and lost. Perhaps Serena was wrong. Bernie did have feelings for her, feelings beyond mere colleagues or even the close friends they had become. 

Serena shook her head to rid it of such ridiculous thinking. You are such a foolish woman Serena, you really are, she thought. Even if Bernie were to have feelings for her (unlikely), she had still left her. But she had come back. No, she had left her to face the shattering of everything she'd believed herself to be and the reactions of this hospital. How could Serena ever trust her again? Because you love her, she realised. This undeniable truth was like a punch to the gut. As if someone had stabbed her through the heart. I love her. She stopped walking and looked back towards the office. 

Bernie chose the exact moment of Serena’s waver to exit their office, eyes scanning wildly looking for someone. Searching for Serena. As soon as her gaze settled on the brunette, she began a confident stride in her direction. Their eyes met and the momentum of Bernie seeking her out was enough to make Serena move. Only her body was turning away from Bernie and her feet were carrying her further from her not closer. She was walking away. She couldn’t stop herself.

“Serena! Serena wait...” the sound of Bernie calling out to her wasn’t enough to halt her steps, her pace speeding up if anything. Not sure where she was even going, she now knew she was running. Away from Bernie. Away from love. Serena had never run from anything before, least of all love. Bernie was chasing her now, the gossips would be thoroughly enjoying this show. “Serena, I know you can hear me, please stop.” It was with a strange huffing noise that Serena acknowledged the twisted irony of what was happening: she was the one walking out and Bernie was begging her to stop. It gave her no pleasure to ignore her pleas. Well maybe a little....

How had she ended up walking to the roof? Now she was trapped, nowhere left to escape to as Bernie came through the door that would be her only way out. “What do you want Bernie?” This could be interesting. Serena actually wanted to hear her response. “Why are you here, Hanssen told me you were staying in Kiev?”

“Your text.” Bernie replied. “I got your text and I had to come back. I needed to see you because I missed you too. So much.” Bernie sucked in as much oxygen as her body would allow, she was shaking but she had to keep going. “You said in there that you are in love with me. Is that true?”

“I said no such thing!” Serena bit back.

“You did. I don’t know if it was deliberate, but if as you said, you want to be in love with someone who isn’t a coward, namely not me, that means you want to not love me. To me that says that right now, coward or not, you love me.” Bernie was rambling, the logic of her argument held but her words were not coming out right.

Serena raised an eyebrow at that. She had to admit that Bernie could see straight through her. She was in love with her and she didn’t want to deny it anymore. The words that came next were not however what she had intended to say, as Bernie’s earlier statement hit home.

“What did you mean by you missed me too?”

“I don’t understand.” Bernie stated, confusion clouding her features. 

“You said too. Not I missed you, but I missed you too.” Serena said, as if that clarified. 

“Yes, well when I got your text that you missed me, I knew I had to come home to you. I had to tell you that...”

“What text?” Serena interrupted, Bernie’s confusion now mirrored on the brunette’s own face.

Bernie fumbled in her pocket for her phone. Reaching it across to Serena, both women lost their breath as hands brushed to pass Bernie’s mobile between them. I MISS YOU was the last message received from Serena’s number. She recognised the ones before because she had sent them. But this one...

“I, Bernie I didn’t send this.” Serena had thought it, typed it countless times but had never had the strength to press the send button. 

“You must have, it’s your number. It’s from you. That’s the whole reason why I came back.” Bernie faltered then. This was her thread. The one tethering her to Serena. When she had seen the text, her heart had soared. The sign that Serena still wanted her in her life. Her reason to stop running and own up to the fact that she was hopelessly in love with her best friend. Had been for longer than she could even be sure of. Those words had been her proof that Serena really wanted her and that they were going to be together. 

If Serena hadn’t sent this, then who had? How could anyone else know what they felt for each other? If these weren’t Serena’s words then she shouldn’t be here. Serena hadn’t missed her, she didn’t love her. Bernie had gotten this all wrong and searching Serena’s gorgeous face, looking deep into the eyes she could so easily lose herself in forever, she saw the mistake she’d made.  
She snatched the phone from Serena’s grasp and she did what she did best. What she would always do. She ran.


	3. Chapter 3

“Oh no you don’t. Not this time Major!” Serena caught hold of Bernie’s wrist as she slowed to open the rooftop door and leave her. Running away from her again. “Will you please tell me what is going on in that head of yours? I watched you run out on me once, I’m not going through that again.”

Bernie could feel Serena’s hand on her arm, her grip was firm but nothing Bernie couldn’t wriggle free of if she wanted to. If she wanted to. Her touch set neurons firing, blazing Bernie’s skin and quickening her pulse dangerously. She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. They both looked to where Serena’s fingers grasped her wrist and then up into each other’s eyes. Bernie’s gaze trailed down to those lips. She hadn’t meant to seek them out but she had to look at them. She needed to kiss them, had thought of little else since their last kiss. Serena saw her eyes wander downwards and knew what she was thinking. 

“Bernie...” Serena’s voice was unsteady and she felt dizzy at the thought of what might happen if neither of them stopped this before it was too late. Serena let go of her wrist, aching from the loss of contact. She looked to the ground then, so she wouldn’t see Bernie walk away. She couldn’t bear to see her leave again. Just like last time, no discussion, no explanation. Just gone. Serena was crying now as the pain in her heart was unspeakable. The indescribable weight of sorrow and grief overwhelming her. 

She startled when she felt someone reached for her chin to bring her eyes up to meet their own. She gasped when she realised it was Bernie. She closed her eyes then, frightened that she was only imagining this. That her own eyes weren’t to be trusted, would only see what they wanted to see. Or worse, if she opened them again Bernie would vanish and she would be alone once more. A strangled sob coursed through her body as she felt the loss of the woman she loved more than she’d ever thought it possible to love anyone. 

But Bernie’s hand was still on her face, she could feel it. Serena didn’t have to look at her to recognise the touch. Then Bernie was kissing away each tear and Serena’s heart stopped. Her lips on Serena’s skin were like fire warming every place they kissed and so many others they didn’t. The kisses moved closer to Serena’s own mouth and she longed to return them.

“Look at me Serena, open your eyes.” Bernie gently commanded. Serena shook her head, still fearful that seeing Bernie would make her disappear. “Look at me, please.” Bernie’s hand caressed her cheek, coaxing her to open her eyes. She put her own hand up to cover Bernie’s, if she held on to her then she’d still be there when her eyes opened.

As she slowly let her eyes open, Serena saw every inch of Bernie’s face fill her vision and was struck, as she always was, with the beauty of Bernie Wolfe. The thing that most astounded Bernie when Serena looked at her like she was now, was that she fought against this. When she caught Serena staring at her sometimes, over the desks in their office or in theatre, it seemed that she’d always been looking at her like this and yet it felt like the first time she’d ever really seen her. Every single time. The newness and familiarity were staggering. Serena was home. She was safe and fierce and grounding and breath-taking. 

Bernie kissed her then. She was tired of fighting. She wanted Serena. Had always wanted her. Would always want her. More incredible, if the force of Serena kissing her back was anything to go by, was that Serena felt exactly the same way. She loved this woman and Serena loved her. It was so beautiful in its simplicity that Bernie’s heart swelled in her chest. She was whole again. Or maybe for the first time. Because this time she wasn’t afraid, she knew she wasn’t going to run. This was it.

After a glorious amount of time spent savouring the most intense kiss either woman had experienced, they pulled away from their kiss but not each other. Every part of them was touching as they stayed locked in their embrace, catching their breath. 

“Serena, there’s something I need you to know...” Bernie couldn’t resist pressing her lips to Serena’s again before she finished the thought. Both women poured everything they felt into another searing meeting of mouths. Hunger and longing surged between them, delirious with the knowledge that they could do this now. Being able to kiss each other again.

Serena’s mind was spinning with desire and she didn’t quite believe this was real. Happening to her. Had it ever been like this before? Had kissing someone ever been such a need? That she never wanted to stop. Her hand tangled in blonde curls, while her other arm snaked Bernie’s waist pulling her impossibly closer. 

For her part, Bernie’s right hand was at the nape of Serena’s neck. Fingers splayed in her hair, very much as they had been during their first kiss on the theatre floor. Her left rested on the brunette’s hip, trying desperately not to allow her hand to slip underneath the hem of Serena’s shirt. All in good time, Serena was new to this and she didn’t want to rush her. Bernie could wait until they were both ready. And preferably not on the roof of the hospital. 

They separated then, though neither really wished to.  
“So who is our mystery texter, I’d like to thank them?” For getting me here Bernie silently added. And she didn’t just mean her current location. 

“Em, I’m not sure.” Serena admitted. It was rare for anyone to use her phone except her and no-one else knew the passcode for when it was left unattended. No-one except... “Jason.”

“Jason.” Bernie smiled warmly then, thinking of Serena’s nephew. He was so direct and honest, of course it would be him. “How did he know that you, that we...?”

“I don’t know.” Serena admitted. “He knows that we kissed and he knows that I rejected Robbie’s attempt at reconciling because I am in love with someone else. I didn’t think he realised it was you.”

“Robbie...?!” Bernie froze then on hearing the name of Serena’s ex. She hadn’t mentioned him much but Bernie knew he existed. Her stomach churned with jealousy. Jealousy she realised she had no right to feel. What had happened between Serena and Robbie while she was gone? He had obviously wanted Serena back. Had Serena wanted him?

Bernie didn’t, couldn’t wait for Serena’s answer. Didn’t hear Serena calling after her as she bolted back into the hospital.


	4. Chapter 4

Serena quietly cursed herself as she watched Bernie retreat. Would she be endlessly stuck in this cycle, spend her days staring at the blonde’s back as she ran away from her? How much longer could they do this? Why did you have to mention Robbie? she chastised herself for her own stupidity. Truthfully though, she couldn’t have kept this from her. She didn’t want their relationship, wherever it was headed, to be full of lies and secrets. She needed to talk this out with Bernie, needed to make her listen.

Bernie darted back to the office, closing the door behind her and resting her head against it. Her breathing was erratic and her heart hammered in her chest as though it might burst. This was her own fault. She had no one else to blame. How could she blame Serena for getting on with her life after Bernie had walked out on her? She didn’t own Serena, although she now knew that her own heart would never belong to anyone else. Why had she left? Why hadn’t she come home sooner? She should have contacted Serena, told her the truth of how she felt about her. Now it was too late...

The women barely spoke for the remainder of their shift. Not for lack of trying on Serena’s part, but Bernie was avoiding her. She wouldn’t even look Serena in the eye. It was a drunken one night stand. A stupid mistake! she wanted to shout, to make Bernie understand. Robbie had been a distraction, a way to prove to herself that someone wanted her. The problem was she only wanted to be wanted by Bernie. She had known it instantly the next morning, when the hangover and the realisation of what she’d done had kicked in. Robbie had come to the hospital and he made his intentions clear. Once she’d found out that he wasn’t ill, her whole being had flooded with relief. She could let him down gently with the news that there was someone else. She wouldn’t have to be forced into a relationship out of guilt or a sense of duty. She had chosen Bernie. She was in love with her. 

At the end of their shift, Serena found Bernie in the office with Jason. 

“Ah, Jason here you are. Are you ready to head home, we don’t want to be late picking up the fish and chips on the way?”

“Alright Auntie Serena, I was just chatting to Doctor Bernie. Do you think she’d like to join us for fish and chip night?”

“I don’t think so Jason, it’s rather short notice, perhaps she might have other plans.”

“Do you Doctor Bernie? Do you have other plans?” he enquired innocently. They got on rather well and he had missed her too while she was away.

“Oh well, I um...maybe another time, ok?” she hated letting him down but she was sure she wouldn’t be able to be that close to Serena, in her own home, without it breaking her heart even more.

Jason and Serena both looked so disappointed with her refusal. She lifted the top chart from her pile of paperwork and started to go through it, hoping to distract herself from their hurt expressions. 

“Right Jason, just give me a few minutes to change out of these scrubs and then we’ll be on our way.” Serena headed off to the locker room to put her own clothes back on.

“Doctor Bernie, did you get my text?” Jason asked. “I sent it as Auntie Serena because she missed you but she kept saying it wrong.”

“Yes Jason I did. Thank you.” 

“Why didn’t you answer any of Auntie Serena’s messages when you were away?”

“I didn’t think she’d want to hear from me.” Bernie answered honestly.

“That’s very silly though, isn’t it? If she hadn’t wanted to hear from you, then she wouldn’t have contacted you.” He had such a clear and obvious way of looking at everything, it was hard not to appreciate his logic. “She was terribly sad and grumpy without you. Even coffee didn’t help.”

“Was she? I’m sure Robbie makes her happy now though?” Bernie couldn’t resist, she knew she shouldn’t pry but jealousy got the better of her.

“No she only saw Robbie the once and really she seemed even sadder. I don’t think they’re going to be a couple again.” This news made Bernie smile in spite of herself.

“She told me that she wasn’t going to be with him because she’s in love with someone else. I know who it is though, so she didn’t need to pretend it was a secret.” he proudly announced, thinking his Aunt wasn’t all that good at hiding her feelings.

“Someone else?” Bernie floundered. Good God how many others wanted her Serena? Though she couldn’t blame them, she was so smart and funny and loving and beautiful... Wait a minute did I just think of her as mine? You are in deep Wolfe! Another smile tugged at her lips as she imagined Serena being hers. Only hers. Snap out of it Major, she’s in love with someone else remember!

“Yes, she didn’t tell me but I know it’s you Doctor Bernie.” Jason speaking pulled Bernie from her thoughts. 

“What’s me, Jason?” Bernie had been too distracted thinking of Serena and wasn’t sure she was following.

“That Auntie Serena’s in love with. Aren’t you paying attention?” he replied bluntly. 

“Why do you think that?” Bernie practically gasped. 

“It’s obvious. She talks about you all the time. She   
pretends to be cross with you sometimes but she always forgives you. She tells everyone how great you are. She was sad when you were gone. She drinks too much Shiraz when you’re not around and she cries when she thinks I don’t realise. She kissed you and she puts up with everyone laughing at her for it. Those are the kind of things you do for someone you’re in love with, aren’t they?”

“Oh God, I’ve been such an idiot.” Bernie felt faint as everything hit her at once. She really had gotten this so wrong.

“Jason, how disappointed would you be if you had to skip fish and chip night and stay with Alan tonight?” Bernie needed Serena alone, they had to talk. 

“Not very, I knew from how you looked at each other this morning that you really are in love, so I phoned Alan and already arranged it. He’ll be here in 10 minutes.” Jason grinned.

Right, Bernie had some serious making things up to Serena to do. Starting right now....


	5. Chapter 5

Serena had almost finished getting ready. All that was left was her scrub top to change for her usual camisole and shirt combination. 

She pulled the top over her head and paused, fiddling with it a little and essentially standing in her bra. She exhaled sharply, wondering how on Earth she was going to fix things between her and Bernie. She started slinking the pendant of her necklace back and forth on its chain, a sure sign she was anxious and deep in thought. Maybe she should have made it clear she wanted Bernie to join them for dinner. No that wouldn’t do, hadn’t she learned by now that pushing too hard would send Bernie running for the hills? Besides, there wouldn’t be any chance of them talking during fish and chips, followed by a few hours of Jason’s favourite TV shows. It wouldn’t be fair to disrupt his routine anyway. It wasn’t his fault she’d made such a mess of her love life. If she could even call it a love life...

Bernie hurried to the locker room, looking for the brunette. Her hand was on the door ready to push it open when she noticed Serena. She was only wearing her bra on her top half and frankly she looked stunning. Serena hadn’t noticed her yet and much as Bernie wanted to stay there ogling her (let’s call a spade a spade!), she swallowed, inhaled to draw all her courage in with the breath and pushed into the room.

Serena jumped, dropping the scrub top and fumbled around for something to cover up with. She had made enough of a fool of herself today, she didn’t need her less than perfect body scaring Bernie off completely.

Bernie’s gaze stayed rooted to the floor and she could honestly say she had never called on her strength more than in this moment, all her effort focused on not dragging her eyes over Serena’s form. Jesus, she was gorgeous. Bernie’s heart was beating wildly and her breathing was all over the place.

“I was, I wanted to, would you...” she couldn’t even get the words out, images of Serena in her underwear blazed in front of her closed eyelids as she struggled to finish an entire sentence. Deep breaths, soldier, deep breaths. Bernie couldn’t reconcile how much she loved Serena. Gentle and tender and soft. Reconcile that with how much she wanted her right now. Hard and fast and frenzied. Desire flooded her veins, pumping it throughout her body. It wouldn’t take much to make her grab hold of Serena and fuck her until she couldn’t see straight. Pun very much intended. Her tongue felt heavy and too big for her mouth. Oh the things I want to do to her with my tongue Bernie thought. 

Serena had finished dressing and was watching the plethora of pained expression cross Bernie’s features. She had her eyes closed as if she couldn’t stand to look at Serena. Well that’s it Campbell, she had one look at your half naked body and now she’s wishing herself blind!

Serena reached out to touch her “Bernie is everything ok? You don’t look well.” Bernie snapped out of her reverie and hoped Serena couldn’t see what she’d just been thinking about. Staring into each other’s eyes, Bernie hoped her guilt and lust weren’t too obvious. Serena offered her a half smile and Bernie fell in love with her all over again. 

Serena searched the blonde’s face for what she might be thinking. For once she had no idea. She wanted to say something, so many things, but where would she start? “Listen, I know you don’t want to join Jason and I tonight but I hope it isn’t because of anything I’ve said or done. It would really mean a lot to him, to both of us, if you would perhaps have dinner with us. It doesn’t have to be this evening if you do have something else arranged, but Jason, we would love it if you came over. When you’re free of course. Unless you’d rather not...” she was rambling. She knew she was but she wasn’t able to stop the admission that followed.

“We really missed you... I really missed you. Very much.” Serena held her breath. Had she said too much? Or not enough? She looked to Bernie to gauge her reaction.

“Have dinner with me. Now. Tonight.” Bernie heard the words fall from her mouth, startled by her own directness.

Serena couldn’t help the enormous grin spreading across her face. “I’d love to. Let me just go and tell Jason there’s been a slight change of plans and you’ll be there for fish and chips night after all.” Serena made to leave but Bernie stood her ground, blocking the doorway. 

“Actually, that’s not what I meant. You and I would be having dinner. Alone. At my place. Just the two of us.” Bernie smiled sheepishly at the misunderstanding.

“Bernie, that’s very kind of you but what about Jason? Perhaps some other time...” Serena’s heart sank. She wanted nothing more than dinner with Bernie all to herself. Her disappointment was palpable.

“Oh yes, right. Of course, I didn’t tell you that Jason is staying with Alan. It’s all been arranged apparently.” Bernie couldn’t contain her glee at the evening that now stretched out before them. Just her and Serena. There were difficult conversations to be had, but she could have Serena with her for a whole night. If Serena said yes of course. Bernie eyes darted over Serena’s beautiful face, willing her to agree to this.

“I’ll need to speak to Jason and make sure this is ok with him. It’s very unlike him to change his routine and not tell me.”

Bernie checked her watch. “He may have already left. I’ll tell you what, we’ll head back up to the office and if he’s not there, you can phone him from my car.” Bernie tried not to sound too eager and refrained from dragging the brunette out by the hand kicking and screaming. Perhaps there’d be time later, for the screaming part anyway. Oh to hear Serena scream her name as she...

Serena cut her thought off. “Looks like you’ve thought of everything. How could a girl refuse such an offer?” How indeed? Serena thought. She had to admit the prospect of a cosy meal for two at Bernie’s home sounded wonderful.

As Bernie placed a hand on the small of her back, guided her through the door she now held open for her, Serena felt a jolt of excitement. This was an opening to endless possibilities and Serena’s body hummed with desire just thinking about it.


	6. Chapter 6

Once Serena had finished talking to Jason on her phone, and was sufficiently convinced that he was fine with the new plans for tonight, she settled back into the short car ride to Bernie’s place. 

Bernie had stolen quick glances between her and the road, watching her talk animatedly with her nephew. They really were incredibly close despite Jason’s difficulties and it was touching to witness the obvious affection between them. Another facet of her just being Serena that made Bernie love her. She accepted almost everyone she encountered with an open heart and mind. It had been no time at all since Jason had entered her life and it seemed he’d always been there. Serena found it so easy to love that Bernie envied her.

As they pulled up to Bernie’s home, Serena’s thoughts turned to the last time she’d almost made it here:

“You know, Jason’s not back till Thursday?”  
“Dinner.”  
“Tonight.”  
“My place?”  
“Okay.”

Bittersweet memories of the day Bernie left her flashed in her mind and she started to worry. How would tonight play out? She couldn’t appear too keen for fear she’d scare Bernie away again. But ignoring her feelings or shying away from expressing them did not come naturally to her.

She was trembling slightly now, that day she had known somewhere in the back of her mind what she was agreeing to. She had fully expected, wanted to spend the night with Bernie. She had pictured making love to her and with her, lost in each other. This time she didn’t know what to expect... How would this end?

As if reading her thoughts, Bernie grasped both her shaking hands it one of her own. Her long, delicate fingers squeezing gently and reassured her that while she was nervous too they were in this together. 

“Serena, I know that I have made some hideous, unforgivable mistakes with you. I am so sorry for running away from you. I have no excuse good enough to explain my cowardice. Tonight in no way makes up for everything I’ve done or failed to do. I’m not naive enough to believe that one meal together will fix us. Fix what I’ve broken. I just need you to know that it doesn’t end here. This is just my first attempt at making amends. Perhaps I have no right to hope that you will let me keep trying to deserve you. I want to be part of your life in whatever way you’ll have me. If you want us to be just colleagues or friends...” she wavered then as her voice broke. I can’t just be your friend. But if that was all Serena wanted it would have to be enough. Tears threatened to fall as the full weight of her own stupidity hit her. She could so easily lose this incredible, loving, strong, passionate, woman who meant everything to her. Why can’t I tell her that I love her?

Serena looked into those eyes, tears mirroring her own. Her hands slipped from Bernie’s grasp. Bernie stopped breathing then. Please don’t let me go, I can’t lose you. She was surprised to discover that Serena had only moved her hands away so she could use them to cup Bernie’s beautiful face.

“I have made mistakes in this too.” Bernie tried to interrupt, she wouldn’t let Serena blame herself. Serena silenced her with her lips. Kissing her with all that she was. “I have more than enough friends already. That’s not what I want. I mean, I want you. All of you. I want us.” Serena had to be clear this time. She wanted this.

“Are you sure?” Bernie yearned to kiss her again but she needed to know this was what she really wanted.

Serena answered her with another kiss. More fierce and intense this time, hands moving to tangle in Bernie’s hair. Bernie couldn’t believe this was happening. Her arms encircled Serena’s waist, she would never pull her close enough but she’d give it a damned good try.

Neither knew how long they stayed like that, learning each other’s mouth as they took more and more. Tongues and lips fused in an endless quest to pleasure and to discover.

Stopping only because they needed to breathe again, lost without the connection, both women surged forward again to start anew.

“I think maybe my car is not the best place to be doing this.” Bernie didn’t want to move but she had promised Serena dinner. And she wanted to start keeping her promises.

Serena sighed at the loss of Bernie’s mouth on her own. “Perhaps not.” She chuckled. Her whole face breaking into the familiar smile Bernie adored. Being the cause of that smile was all the purpose she’d ever need. 

“Although I wasn’t expecting company so my place is a mess and I have no actual food...” Bernie’s cheeks flushed at how unromantic a prospect she was offering. 

Serena burst out laughing at that. Bernie’s favourite sound in the world. She laughed then too. Such a ridiculous laugh that fuelled Serena’s own even more.

“You really know how to spoil me Major!” Serena teased through her laughter but Bernie knew she wasn’t one bit surprised or disappointed.

“Come on then soldier, takeaway it is. I’m sure we can rustle up something between us for dessert.” Serena winked at her then, leaving no doubt as to exactly what she meant.


	7. Chapter 7

The food was soon ordered and on its way. Soft music was floating out of the speakers of Bernie’s player and filling her living room. The two women were resting against each other, stretched out on the sofa, shoes long forgotten and enjoying spending some time alone. 

Wine glasses sat on the coffee table in front of them. Full of Shiraz of course. What else? If Serena thought it strange that Bernie had her favourite drink but no real food in her apartment, she didn’t mention it. Perhaps she had been in the blonde’s thoughts more than she realised. This revelation made her smile to herself. 

They fitted together perfectly laying there snuggled on Bernie’s enormous couch, each held the hand closest to the other tightly, fingers intertwined. Bathed in the only light in the room - candles interspersed here and there – they were content to sit mostly in silence, Serena’s head rested on Bernie’s shoulder. 

They would however need to have a conversation about Bernie’s odd shopping habits at some point: Shiraz and dozens of scented candles but not a scrap to eat. Moving only to kiss softly at their leisure, smiling at the fact that they could. 

Happiness permeated the space, reflecting off the walls and settling again at the centre of the two women. Their hearts so full of love, it surprised them both that the words didn’t just fall from their lips. But then their lips were rather preoccupied right now...

Hands explored a little as they picked up the pace of the kisses. There was so much passion and longing between them that Serena started to feel more than a bit overwhelmed. Drawing back from Bernie’s mouth, she needed to catch her breath as the weight of the blonde’s touch, or rather the intent behind it, jolted her back to reality. At some point Bernie had removed her shirt. When had that happened? She felt her skin prickle with a mixture of sudden cold and desire, her bare arms exposed in only her camisole. 

Bernie glimpsed the extremely distracting bra she’d admired earlier as Serena leaned away slightly. Black, lace trim, sexy as all Hell. Her eyes drank in the brunette, she lunged forward to claim her lips again. Serena’s hand moved between them, resting on Bernie’s front holding her slightly at a distance.

“What’s wrong Serena?” Bernie panicked. Maybe she was moving too fast. She had frightened her by wanting her too much. When did I take off her shirt? Bernie’s whole body flooded with fear. Was Serena having second thoughts? Bernie stood up then, running her hands through her already messy curls. Silently berating herself for thinking only about herself, about how much she wanted Serena. She hadn’t stopped to consider that Serena had never been with a woman before. 

“I’m not... My body isn’t... It’s old and tired and wrinkly. After having Elinor and now being the wrong side of 50... Gravity and the years have not been kind to me.” Serena had also stood up now, one arm by her side, the other stretched across her front, hand holding the wrist of the straight arm. Half hiding herself, eyes firmly on the floor.

The consummate flirt of the hospital, fierce and confident, turning every head in her wake. Bernie’s more than included. Yet, not only did she not know how stunning she was, she actually doubted it. Doubted that Bernie could want her just as she was. Bernie wouldn’t stand for that...

“Serena Campbell, look at me right now.” Bernie’s voice was kind but firm. Serena shook her head furiously. Bernie strode over to her and lifted her face in her hands to look at her. Stroking her cheek with her thumb, willing the brunette to look at her and see the undeniable love and desire in her eyes.

“Putting aside the fact that I’ve had 2 children myself, unsightly scars covering my equally old and tired and wrinkly body...” Serena smiled a little at that and Bernie kept going, “and I can hardly believe my luck that such an amazing, sexy, beautiful woman would look at me twice. You must know how much I want you.” 

She couldn’t have Serena believing she wasn’t desirable, that every inch of her wasn’t a complete turn on. That her body was anything less than perfection. “Ms Campbell, was there any part of what we just did,” Bernie indicated the sofa they’d just vacated with a tilt of her head, “that made you think I’m not absolutely satisfied with your spectacular body? If that’s the case, then I’m afraid I haven’t been doing my job properly as your girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend...?!” Serena was sure she’d heard her wrong. 

“Ok, you’re right, maybe we’re a bit too old for that. Would you prefer partner...?”

“I hadn’t really thought...” Serena was speechless, that Bernie was thinking of her in that way. She was reeling.

“I know we have a lot still to work through and so much to talk about. It’s just that in my heart,” Bernie touches the place where her heart would be to emphasise her point, “that’s what you are to me.”

Serena's heart was full to the brim and she pulled Bernie to her for the most passionate kiss she could muster. Hoping that Bernie could feel her happiness, that her kiss would convey the truth of her next words. “Bernie, I love you.”

The only sound then was the intercom buzzing to announce the arrival of their dinner.


	8. Chapter 8

It made perfect sense really that Serena had said it first. She had been trying all day but Bernie had never seemed to hear her. She knew that Bernie had heard her this time. Serena had told her she loved her and now Bernie was running around pretending to make a fuss of setting things up for dinner.

She placed some candles on the small dining table, cutlery, place mats, napkins, their wine glasses. Then she made a show of escorting Serena to her seat, holding it out for her to sit down. It would have been awfully romantic, if she’d bother to look Serena in the eye. 

They ate in almost total silence. Serena’s eyes fixed on Bernie, while she stared down at her plate, as if her food was the most fascinating thing she’d ever seen.

Serena wondered what she should say as Bernie cleared their plates away, she practically flinched when Serena’s hand accidentally touched hers passing her glass back for a refill.

“Bernie, I think we need to talk.” Serena started as she saw the blonde’s hand shake trying to get the Shiraz from the bottle into her glass. She placed a hand over Bernie’s and took the glass, setting it back on the counter. No Shiraz would be spilled on her watch.

Bernie’s heart dropped at the implication of those words. Oh God, I’ve screwed this up. She wants nothing more to do with me. Tears sprang forth at the thought that she’d been with Serena for only a few hours and now the brunette was dumping her in her own apartment. 

Serena saw the sadness rush over Bernie, the start of tears in her eyes. 

“You don’t have to say it back, you know? But you could look a little happier that I’m in love with you.” Serena wasn’t sure where the courage to continue came from when she added, “Unless...you don’t feel the same way. If you don’t want me, if you think this is a mistake, then I should go...” Serena’s heart shattered and she moved to collect her things. “I should go.”

She didn’t quite reach her belongings before Bernie was on her.

Bernie kissed her with ever ounce of strength and love and passion and desire she had in her. Pulling Serena’s camisole off over her head, throwing it down and then quickly her own shirt was falling to meet it on the floor.

Guiding the brunette backwards down the hallway towards the bedroom, her lips never halting in their dominance over Serena’s. Once inside the room, she kicked the door closed behind them. As the room was plunged into darkness, she left Serena for a moment, stumbling to the nightstand to turn on the small lamp. Spinning around to where she’d left Serena by the door, she rushed back to her for another hungry kiss.

Pushing Serena against the door, she allowed her hands to caress the gorgeously soft expanse of her glorious skin. She had never seen so much of Serena, and she pulled back from her mouth, to see what was really the most beautiful sight in the world. Serena’s lips were swollen from all the kisses, her skin was slightly flushed from the exertion and her chest was heaving in that bra of hers. Her eyes blazed through Bernie’s to her very soul. Bernie had to have her, now. 

Pressing her forehead to Serena’s, looking into those beautiful brown eyes, she took a deep breath. “Serena, I love you. I want you. You are everything.” 

Kissing her again, Bernie put her all into convincing Serena of the veracity of those words. She would never tire of kissing this woman, of the feeling of their tongues pressing together, battling for control. She moved her kisses up to Serena’s ear, nipping her earlobe before whispering “I love you. Let me show you how much.”

Serena nodded her consent, unable to speak. 

Bernie placed a trail of kisses down the side of Serena’s neck, setting her skin on fire. Onwards she kissed, down to the swell of her heavenly breasts. Squeezing gently, she felt the tickle of lace underneath her fingertips as she traced the edge of her bra. “This really needs to come off.” She peppered Serena’s chest with light kisses as she reached round to release the clasp.

Slipping the straps agonisingly slowly from Serena’s shoulders, she let the garment slide to the floor, her eyes never leaving Serena’s. Trailing a hand from under Serena’s chin, down her throat, to the sensitive skin between her breasts, over her stomach until she reached the waistband of her trousers. She captured Serena’s lips again as she slid her hand inside and stroked her through her underwear. 

Serena shuddered into the kiss and felt her legs start to give way. Bernie moved her hand to push the lacy fabric of Serena’s panties to one side. Her first touch of the warm wetness at Serena’s core stole both their breaths.

“Oh God.” Serena couldn’t articulate this feeling. Her mind cleared and the room span as the only thing she could focus on was Bernie’s touch. Bernie continued her onslaught as she bent down to take one of Serena’s nipples into her mouth. Tugging and sucking and kissing, as her fingers worked on Serena’s clit.

“Oh fuck, Bernie. I love you. Don’t stop. Please, Bernie.” Serena was lost completely now, as the mixture of sensations drove her higher and higher. The familiar tingling began to pulse at the point of Bernie’s touch and shot down her legs. She couldn’t hold herself upright anymore, slumped against the door. 

Sensing the inevitability of the brunette’s release, Bernie slowed everything down. She kissed Serena tenderly as she gently removed her hand. Serena groaned at the loss and her eyes snapped open, searching Bernie’s face for an explanation.

“I don’t want the first time you...the first time I make love to you to be like this.” Bernie didn’t want some frantic fumble against her bedroom door. She wanted Serena’s first time with a woman, with her, to be special. She wanted her to feel comfortable and loved and safe and beautiful.

Serena wrapped her arms around Bernie’s neck as the blonde began to kiss her again. With Bernie’s encouraging hands moving from her backside to behind her knees, her legs were lifted to circle Bernie waist.

Bernie carried her over to the bed, kissing her the whole way and laid her delicately on tops of the covers.

Hovering over her, looking down at the most beautiful woman she had ever seen, Bernie smiled warmly, murmuring in between kisses “You are truly amazing, I am so in love with you.”

Serena’s heart sang at Bernie’s words as she replied “I couldn’t be more in love with you. I want you, Bernie please. Make love to me.”


	9. Chapter 9

Bernie couldn’t stop staring at the brunette underneath her. If anyone had told her this morning that she’d be here now, with the woman of her dreams in her bed, she’d never have believed them. Given how she’d treated Serena, she was damn lucky the woman wanted anything to do with her.

She bent down to take Serena’s lips with her own, God even just kissing her was heavenly. She could do this forever. Bernie was lost in that thought, of a lifetime spent. Right. Here. She punctuated those last two words with two quick pecks to Serena’s mouth. Pulling back to smile at the vision before her, she breathed “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Serena reached for one of Bernie’s hands then, placing in over her heart and holding it there with her own hand on top. Her heart was racing under Bernie’s fingertips, the vibrations travelling the length of Bernie’s arm and pulsing through her body. “Do you believe it now?” Serena searched Bernie’s face for confirmation. 

Bernie nodded as tears threatened to fall. Serena lent up to kiss her then with all of her heart and soul. Every ounce of love they felt for each other ebbing and flowing between their joined lips. A torrent of emotion and desire starting at the touching points and cascading out to wash over them. 

Serena’s fingers stroked the length of Bernie’s spine, sending tingles rippling through her, as she palmed the brunette’s breasts and kissed her fiercely. Serena couldn’t focus on so many new sensations at once and her head was spinning as lust and longing filled her bloodstream. 

Bernie moved one hand away from Serena’s cleavage and slowly traced down to the button of her trousers. They really were still wearing too many clothes for her liking. Now that she finally had the glorious Serena Campbell between her thighs and at her fingertips, she wanted all of her. If what she’d seen and touched and kissed so far was any indication of what was still waiting, she didn’t want to wait any longer.

Even her most vivid fantasies, of which there were many, were pale comparisons for the woman herself. In the flesh. She really did have the most perfect skin. Every inch of her was a world waiting for Bernie to discover it. Bernie was more than up to the challenge, relishing in the feel of every new spot. Her hands, her mouth and tongue, even at times her teeth, learning every part of the brunette’s body. 

Unfastening Serena trousers, she pushed them down and off the edge of the bed, leaving only a thin layer of lace between her and a totally naked Serena Campbell. In her bed. Bernie would never stop smiling at that revelation. Serena shivered then and they both knew it had nothing to do with being cold. The way Bernie was looking at her made her lose her breath.

Bernie lifted up to kneel and took off her own bra, watching Serena’s eyes go wide as her breasts were released. While she was still kneeling, Serena reached for the waist of her jeans and undid the button, pulling down the zip and tugging them from her hips. Bernie wriggled to kick off the trousers and then sought out Serena’s mouth again.

Both in nothing but their underwear, Serena gasped as their beasts pressed against each other. She reached round to grab Bernie’s backside over her panties, thrusting their hips closer as she ground up towards Bernie. She kept finding new heights of pleasure, unparalleled by previous experience. Who knew making love could be like this? She wondered if Bernie was as enraptured as she was, and this caused a niggle of doubt to seep in. Insecurity took over and she faltered, slowing down.

“Bernie?” she all but rasped. The delicious weight of the blonde pushing down on her, combined with throbbing desire, pulling all the air from her lungs. “Is this ok? Am I doing it right?” she managed in between gulps of necessary oxygen. She met the blonde’s gaze, worry etched on her face.

Bernie’s heart swelled to bursting as she witnessed the question in Serena’s eyes. “Oh Serena...” Bernie brought a hand up to cover the brunette’s cheek and caress her face. She placed light, tender kisses to everywhere she could reach. “...this is perfect because I am with you. You can’t imagine how much I want this.” Bernie rested her forehead to Serena’s and hoped she could make the brunette understand that she had nothing to worry about. That this, between them now, was beyond her wildest dreams.

Serena took Bernie’s face in her hands and kissed her anew. Trying to calm her own nerves, she could feel the sincerity of Bernie’s words in the way she returned the kiss and the brush of the blonde’s fingertips up and down her side. Beginning to relax again, she knew she was safe and desired, and she loved this woman with every fibre of her being. 

She wanted to give herself to Bernie, to not know where one of them ended and the other began, a tangle of body and limbs, two hearts and two souls inextricably bound for the rest of their lives. Bernie was right, this was perfect because they were finally together. Inseparable, as only two people who have done what they were on the cusp of could be.

Bernie kissed her way down Serena’s body and back up again, settling to look into her fiery brown eyes, hand tracing the edge of her panties in silent query. Serena nodded her permission and reclaimed her lips, before Bernie shifted to remove the last piece of fabric from Serena’s body. Her pace was agonisingly slowed, as she fought against the urge to just rip away the only thing between her and Serena.

Serena grew impatient then, dragging Bernie back up to her for another intense kiss. She fumbled and tugged at Bernie’s own panties, wanting the blonde as exposed as she was. With some effort and a few awkward laughs at the inelegance of their movements, they were at last both fully unclothed. Bernie’s warm, exquisite fingers were instantly on Serena’s centre, watching Serena arch and moan as she teased her folds and grazed her clit. 

Never quite touching her the way she needed it, Serena bucked into Bernie’s hand in desperate frustration. This was delicious torture and Bernie knew it, if the tiny smirk was anything to go by. Two can play that game. Serena thought, a wicked glint in her eye.

“You really are a tease, Major.” Serena’s hot breath tickled Bernie’s ear and sent a throbbing straight to her own clit. She let out a strangled moan, as her body responded to the sultry tone of voice. Serena’s words were enough to set every inch of her ablaze. God help me, she’s not even touching me yet and I’m done for. Bernie was dizzy with anticipation. 

Serena kissed at Bernie’s throat as the blonde continued to tease her. Her hands stroked Bernie sides and she sucked in a shuddering breath as the brunette’s attention moved to her breasts. Pinching her nipples as she licked along Bernie’s collar bone, Serena was satisfied with her efforts as she heard the blonde’s moans fill the room. Serena gasped as Bernie’s fingers suddenly touched exactly where she needed. 

“Bernie, yes, just like that. Oh God.” Serena could hardly breathe as Bernie rubbed her perfectly. The unrivalled pleasure pulsing through her made everything else fade into oblivion. “Please, oh please. Fuck, Bernie!” Serena cried out as the blonde slipped a finger inside her. “Jesus, Bernie!” 

“Tell me how you want me to fuck you, Serena.” The command in Bernie’s voice was too much. She had to answer her, if only she could breathe...

“I...you. I want you to....oh God. I need you Bernie, please. More. Harder. Faster. Please!!” Serena was a babbling mess now, Bernie had pushed a second and possibly a third finger inside her and was driving her to the edge. Bernie could see Serena was close and her breathing was rapid and shallow. Bernie kissed her then, she couldn’t resist re-establishing that connection, as the woman she adored was unravelling around her fingers. 

“I love you Serena, cum for me.” Bernie used her thumb to stroke Serena’s clit as she continued to push in and out of her. The new touch and Bernie’s words were all the encouragement she needed and Serena came with a rush, clamping around Bernie’s fingers. “Bernie!!” Her mind cleared as she went rigid and euphoria flooded her very soul.

Bernie was there holding her when she regained control, limbs floppy and body spent. “Wow. That was...” She wasn’t sure at that moment she could put how happy she was into words. Lazily she reached for the blonde, she pulled her as close as she was able and kissed her gently. “I have never felt anything like that with anyone. I love you, Berenice Wolfe.”

Bernie’s heart swelled with pride, how she was good enough for this woman was beyond her understanding. As she held her, she silently vowed to be worthy of her love for the rest of her days. “And I love you, my darling.”


End file.
